Appley dapply, or how do you like them apples?

Today I am not going to moan about the British summer, with more rain and floods and general gloom than ever before recorded, nor about the collapse of the western world’s economy. I’m not going to protest about the greedy deceitful banking crisis, described yesterday by the deputy governor of the Bank of England as a cesspit. Even today’s unseemly spectacle of the House of Commons shooting itself in its collective well-shod foot over reforms to the House of Lords is not my subject.

Oh no. This morning, I’m going to complain about apples.

I try to be a locavor, and I mostly succeed. This often means eating local fresh produce to excess when it’s available, which is generally no hardship, although I can’t extend that point very far because it will bring me straight back to this season’s sad effects of the first thing I said I wouldn’t moan about (see above). But honestly, who minds eating asparagus for six weeks straight? Or cherries? Who minds having broad beans on the menu every day, making room only for runner beans? Not I.

But here’s the thing. The UK apple season is generally well and truly finished by early May – which allows for apples which store well to still be available as well as pleasingly edible. And in my house at that stage, all eyes turn to the imminent shipment of Cox’s Orange apples from New Zealand. Cox’s Orange are, to my taste, the absolute king of apples: crisp, tart with just enough sweetness to develop on your tongue. They’re pretty, too, with their stripes and their translucent skins. I eat UK ones in season, natch, but these apples don’t store well over time so they’re not really a long-term viable option here.

And I have been trying to buy New Zealand Cox’s Orange apples. Believe me, I have been trying. Every supermarket, every greengrocer, within shouting distance. I’ve tried ‘em loose, I’ve tried ‘em in packs of four. I’ve tried sniffing them, weighing them in my hand, and holding them up to the light. But this year – for the first time ever – many of them are complete rubbish. Mealy. Brown at the core. Soft. Flavourless. And here’s the ultimate insult: you don’t know any of that until you bite into one. It’s enough to make you weep.

What has happened? Who will rid me of these unsatisfactory fruits and replace them with the genuine article?

Until that happens, I’m back on the Kentish cherries.

2 Responses to “Appley dapply, or how do you like them apples?”

  1. Ra Depp Depp Says:

    Apple pie is the best:)

  2. admin Says:

    Hard to argue with that.

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